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At a basic level there are really only two kinds of memories.

For many of us, the first type are all too familiar–and the most problematic. We remember the pain of the past: a failed relationship, the promotion we didn’t get, the hurtful comment of a relative or friend, an apology we “deserved” and are still waiting for, any number of actions that somehow or other hurt our feelings. And on and on.

The other kind are those that lift our spirit: remembering the birth of our child, the feeling of first falling in love, hoisting that trophy, crossing that finish line (literally or figuratively) or, as we do in the United States today, honoring the memory of those who died in service to our country.

Until someone invents a time machine that allows us to go back and attempt to fix that which didn’t go as we would have wanted or planned, ruminating on negative memories keeps us stuck and limits our potential. At some point, as Lily Tomlin allegedly said, “we must give up all hope for a better past.” The only thing that allows us to move on is to forgive unconditionally and let it all go. Easier said than done, I know.

While it’s possible to get just as stuck on positive memories–and at this point you might want to sing an impromptu version of “Glory Days”–they still typically fill us with love, warmth and compassion. They remind us of what’s possible. They serve to put life in better perspective and sharper relief. They steep us in gratitude.

Most importantly, when we acknowledge the two kinds and are aware of the keen differences, we can more clearly see how getting attached to one set is not in our best long-term interest.

And then we get to make a different choice.

This post was also published on my business blog.

There are all sorts of reasons we stay stuck, fail to take action on the things we tell ourselves really matter, spin on items big and small.

Whether it’s deepening (or ending) a personal relationship, finishing our book, quitting a soul-crushing job or starting that new business we keep talking about, there is an aspect of our evolutionary biology that holds us back.

Vulnerability is scary.

Bringing our ideas, wishes and dreams into the light risks criticism–or even ridicule.

All too often, The Resistance is real.

Half the battle in overcoming our fears is to accept the reality that we crave both growth and safety at the same time. Yet there is simply no talking ourselves out of the fact of our hard-wiring. Our job, then, is to learn how to quiet the lizard brain and press on.

Ignorance is a different matter entirely.

Ignorance is often a major contributor to stoking our fear and anxiety. One needs neither an advanced degree–or any degree at all–nor dedication of substantial time and effort to see how much our society is burdened by irrational fears borne largely out of misinformation, misunderstanding and verifiable mistruths.

The fact is, in the developed world at least, most people have plenty of access to all the information they need to be reasonably well informed. Most folks have the tools to apply a decent level of discernment.

If it matters to you and you don’t know, your ignorance is a willful act.

In fighting our stuckness, in being willing to put our art out into the ether, in exposing who we are to another person, in contributing to a better world, it’s important to understand what holds us back.

Fear is a dragon to slay. Ignorance is a choice.

This post was simultaneously published on my business blog